I have felt the calling. It comes in the sent of salty air, the touch of a sea breeze, and the comfort of a gentle rock. Gulls fly about as if they are dancing with the sails. The call instills excitement, while simultaneously penetrating my gut with fear.
How could this call come to me? A person who fears the deep water, and it’s predators that live within. Yet clearly the wind of the Puget Sound blows my name. It invites me to learn its mysteries and find myself. I sit on the bow and let the cool air embrace me. Its a comfort. I know that I will be safe.
This is a call that cannot be ignored. I would not dare disrespect the sea or the fates. I will answer this seafaring call and this means I have work to do.
The time has come for me to face my fears, again. I shall not destroy my fears, but I must understand them. Build a friendship, a partnership. I hope that my fear will guide me to safety, and I learn to keep its petrifying effect at bay.
The sails luff as the wind dies down, this is just another voice of the call. The voice sounds reckless and the fear presses deeper into my stomach. I now find myself in doubt. I am not afraid of the moment for it is beautiful. I am in fear of the future. My fear is beyond the external. Deep, suffocating cold water filled with creatures I do not understand. The fear is deep within. It is my ability. Am I capable? Can I react fast enough in an emergency? Can I learn how to catch the wind effectively? Will I ever keep Port Side and Starboard strait? So, am I capable?
I ask the question internally, and I hold my gaze forward. Watching the slight breeze ripple the sea’s surface. The call is silent. It is waiting for my answer. The sea knows that I must be the one to answer. I wait wanting it to reassure me, I want it to say “Yes you can do this.” It remains silent. The ball is in my court. It is now my decision and no one else. Sean is not here to guide me, my fellow sailing friends are not here for support. It is just me and myself. This decision is my own. I finally feel brave enough to answer.
“Yes, I will answer the call. Yes, I will learn the sails. Yes, I will become educated to build confidence. I will be strong in mind and physically. I will sail the seas and the oceans. ”
There, now I have answered the call. I ask it to be patient. Time to train body and sole. It is time I learn how to solo sail. I must gain the confidence in myself.